Celebrate the ‘No’ - Why saying no matters more than you might think

When a dog pauses, turns away, walks off, or chooses not to engage with something we’ve invited them to do, it’s easy to see it as a problem. A training blip. A refusal. Or worse—disobedience.

But here’s a different way to look at it:

When a dog says “no,” they’re communicating.
And when we learn to listen, everything changes.

What Does “No” Look Like in Dogs?

Dogs say “no” in subtle, often easily-missed ways. It’s not always dramatic or loud. Sometimes it’s a quiet shift—a pause, a soft blink, a turn of the head. Other times it’s clearer: walking away from an invitation, choosing not to come closer, or lying down instead of engaging.

None of these are signs that your dog is being difficult or stubborn. They’re invitations to pause and notice.

Examples of what “no” might look like:

Backing away from a harness
Hesitating before stepping into a space
Disengaging from an activity partway through
Choosing not to respond to a familiar invitation
Moving to a resting spot instead of interacting

These aren’t failures. They’re pieces of communication, each one offering insight into how your dog feels in that moment.

The Trouble With Misinterpretation

When we label a dog’s hesitation as defiance or disobedience, we miss the opportunity to respond with curiosity. We risk teaching the dog that their needs won’t be heard. Labels like “stubborn” or “testing” don’t help anyone. They silence communication.

What if the dog is overwhelmed? Confused? Trying to regulate themselves in a tricky moment?

The behaviour we see is never the full story.

That’s why curiosity matters so much.

Why Saying “No” Is Worth Celebrating

Giving dogs the freedom to say no builds trust. It tells them:

You don’t have to say yes to be safe here.

That’s huge, especially for sensitive or cautious dogs. Dogs who want to engage but aren’t quite ready. Dogs who’ve learned that people don’t always listen when they whisper.

When we respond kindly to their “no,” we’re not reinforcing avoidance, we’re reinforcing choice and connection. We’re letting them know they’re allowed to have preferences, feelings, and needs.

That’s not just kind, it’s essential for learning.

Supporting “No” in Practice

This is one reason I often include ACE Free Work in my sessions. Free Work creates an environment where the dog can move freely, explore, or rest without being prompted.

The dog has a choice, they can choose to opt in, opt out, rest, or explore in their own time. Food is available at the Free Work stations, not just from me, which can remove pressure, especially for dogs who feel conflicted or cautious.

When food and interaction don’t come with strings attached, dogs can engage more openly and honestly. And that honesty builds trust.

What We Can Do Instead of Pushing Through

If your dog seems to say “no,” pause and ask:

Are they tired or uncomfortable?
Are they unsure what I’m asking?
Do they need space, distance, or time?
Are they hungry or thirsty?
Is something else pulling their attention or creating discomfort?

And finally:
Have I made it safe enough for them to say yes?

These aren’t boxes to tick. They’re reflections that guide our response with kindness and curiosity.

Because Real Learning Isn’t Built on Pressure

The more a dog feels safe, the more they can stay engaged. Real learning doesn’t come from drilling behaviours, it comes from giving the dog space to feel safe enough to stay present.

There’s no rush.
No performance required.
Just communication, and a relationship built on choice.

Final Thought

“No” is part of the conversation.

We build stronger relationships not by expecting more compliance, but by listening more deeply. And that starts with noticing the quiet “no’s" and responding with kindness.

And perhaps most importantly:

A dog who can say ‘no’ is a dog who knows their voice matters.