Curiosity in Action: What If It’s Not Disobedience?

This is the fourth blog in the Curiosity in Action series, each exploring a small question that might help you see your dog’s behaviour in a new way.

When a dog doesn’t respond to something we’ve asked or seems to ignore, it’s easy to feel frustrated or confused. And if you’ve spent time around more traditional approaches to training, you’ve likely heard it called disobedience.

But what if it’s not that?

What if the dog isn’t being wilful, stubborn, or challenging…
What if they’re just not ready or not able in that moment?

Shifting from assumption to curiosity can completely change how we understand behaviour and how we respond.

Disobedience Assumes Choice. But What If There Isn’t One?

The word disobedient implies the dog knows what we’re asking, is capable of doing it, and is choosing not to. But behaviour is rarely that simple, especially for dogs who are anxious, overwhelmed, or processing more than we can see.

Sometimes the dog has learned the behaviour in calm, familiar settings, but doesn’t feel safe enough to offer it in more distracting environments.

Sometimes their nervous system is on high alert, and their ability to process information is more limited in that moment.

Sometimes the environment is too intense. The request feels too big. Or their body is giving them different information about what matters right now.

It’s not disobedience.
It’s a mismatch between what we’re asking, and what the dog’s nervous system is capable of in that moment.

Real-Life Example: The Sit That Didn’t Happen

You’re waiting at a road crossing. Maybe you’ve been taught to ask your dog to sit here, it’s something you’ve practised before, and it feels like a familiar routine.

But today, your dog doesn’t sit. They stand still, looking away. Or they shift slightly forward.
It might feel like they’re ignoring you.
But what’s actually going on?

- Maybe the surface is wet, uncomfortable, or unfamiliar.
- Maybe there’s residual tension in their muscles from something that just happened.
- Maybe they’re trying to keep visual contact with something they feel unsure about across the street.

They’re not refusing.
They’re communicating what their body needs and what they’re able to do right now.

Personally, I don’t ask Harry to sit in moments like this. I’ve found that what a dog chooses to do, when we don’t layer extra expectations on top, often tells me more about how they’re feeling than whether or not they respond to a trained behaviour. A pause, a shift in weight, a long blink… these subtle moments speak volumes.

From “Why won’t they do it?” to “What are they feeling?”

When we stay curious, we give ourselves space to notice what else might be happening:

Is their posture stiff or hesitant?
Are their eyes scanning the environment?
Are they breathing quickly, holding their breath, or showing a stillness that might suggest tension?
Are they offering something else instead, maybe pausing or staying close?

These can all be ways of saying: “This is hard for me right now.”

And when we notice that, we can respond in a way that supports the dog, rather than pushing through.

Staying Curious in the Moment

If your dog pauses, hesitates, or offers something different to what you were expecting, try asking:

What’s happening around them right now?
What’s their body telling me?
Is this something they’ve practised in similar conditions?
Do they need more space, more time, or a quieter environment?

When we pause to ask those questions, we’re more likely to meet the dog where they are emotionally, physically, and in the connection between us.

One Last Thought

Some dogs react out of frustration. Others out of fear, uncertainty, or emotional overload.

I’m talking about the dogs who are finding the world difficult and showing us in the only way they know how.

When we stay curious, we’re more able to respond with understanding, rather than rushing to stop the behaviour or manage the moment.
Because when we begin with “What might be going on here?” instead of “Why aren’t they listening?” we’re much more likely to find a way forward that feels safe, for everyone involved.